I have been having lots of thoughts about this but I haven’t wanted to put anything into writing yet because I know that I am jet lagged and overwhelmed and I am in a new and scary experience and thus everything just feels a lot more difficult than it actually is. But I’ve been thinking about it and I feel like I’m able to put it into words now.
Moving country by yourself is hard.
I know that I’ve done it before (six times, to be exact) but its always been with my family, or with people looking after me and showing me what to do.
Also, being here alone is hard.
There is so much to do – find an apartment, verifying my student visa, getting a Chilean ID, getting a SIM card, sorting out my money, somehow actually starting uni. It’s confusing and I need help but I don’t really have anyone who knows the answers. Even aside from knowing the answers, there’s just no one to calm me down and talk things through with. In Melbourne my friends were there to keep me sane during all the madness of trying to move country. Here, I talked to a guy about getting a SIM card and when he told me I needed to have my Chilean ID first I basically burst into tears. That obviously wasn’t a proportional reaction, but this is what trying to do this by myself does to me.
Also, just doing stuff alone sucks! I wanna chat and explore and take selfies. And oh my god, why is ordering drinks or meals now so difficult?? I’m definitely not going to be drinking alone, but even figuring out dinner is problematic. I don’t mind having lunch by myself because I can sit alone in a cafe, but restaurants are a totally different thing. I’m not ready to eat alone at a restaurant. The hostel has a kitchen but cooking for one is difficult. I wandered around grocery store for 20 minutes before I decided on a peanut butter and banana wrap for dinner.
I am aware that the obvious solution to being alone is to talk to people and make friends in the hostel. However, this is not really a feasible option right now. I find it very stressful to interact with strangers when I’m alone. With friends I am better, I can act make conversation and be friendly until I know the person well enough that I feel comfortable. But when I’m totally alone it’s hard, and when I’m jet lagged and overwhelmed it is just way too much.
It’s a whole cycle, you see. For now, I’m just taking it slowly. Moving country is just hard. I know I’m not doing it wrong, it really just is difficult. And I forget, because it always turns out well, but I’m usually alone when I first move somewhere and the people that become my best friends always start as strangers.
It will be okay.
I am just very tired and overwhelmed.
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